So it was yet another crappy day, my salary was overdue by 15 frigging days, my train-pass had expired 2 days back, I was cash strapped (nothing new) and was rhyming every slogan with jung and saang. To top it all I flamboyantly splurged on an extravagantly tacky road-side jacket that will go straight to my maid after a week.
Pondering on the greatest truth about life being a bitch I got my bhel and sneaked into the railway station trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. I did not bother with the ticket as the queue was gloriously humongous. So I dutifully stood back at the ladies dabba section (gwaad second class) unlike my earlier elbowing self and kept my head down. But as the train approached I could not resist and elbowed to the front and got the most reverend spot near the door…yay!!
What happened next was godsend for entertainment starved me. Two women who boarded the train on Lower Parel station got in a tiff.
It was minor in the beginning like you watch your step kinds but got major fun after Dadar.
Woman 1: arre tu samjhti kaya hai aage dekh
Woman 2: aare jaa main kyun dekhoon aapna kaam kar
1: tu kyun nahi aapna kaam karti
2: (In a way you mutter to yourself but as this is local you literally think aloud) pata nahi khud ko kaya samajhti hai, (n to no one in particular) itna hi tha toh first class mein jane ka tha na! yahan kyun aayi?
1: Kaya boli! Kaya boli? Agar tere ko itna hai toh tu jaa, paisa nahi hoga na!
2: (again think aloud mode) bluddy ghatti pata nahi kahan kahan se chale aatein hai indecent, insober (I swear she said that)
1: kaya boli jayada Engliss maat bol, I know Engliss too, saali 3 raat se soyin nahi kaya ( it was a real WTF?!)
2: (real pissed off, turns back n attacked as much was possible with a handbag and 3 ppl in between them) kaya boli tu nahi soyi ..Bam Bam… tere ko himmat kaise huyi ghar tak jane ki abhi tere ko yahan se nikaloon saali mere pati tak jane ki dare kaise ke
By this time the random women in between were really tired of the two so even they bitch/ pimp slapped whosoever they could lay their hands on.
Another rush now 1 and 2 got a bit separated for any slap contact.
2: (think aloud mode) jaane kahan kahan se chalein atein hai! Rascals
1: kaya saali know the meaning of the rascals?
2: Yes! You the Rascals.
Woman 1 is in fits now she tries to elbow her way to 2 to pull her hair and in the process leans on random women and gets elbowed and slapped.
2 is also closing in for action, soon they are pulling hair and mouthing obscenities.
Somewhere after Ville Parle and near Andheri.
1 and 2 interlocked in hair pulling.
2: chal police station
1: haat baal chhod, aare tu mujhe police ke paas kaya le jayegi, baal chhod
I got down so did the women.
Life is not that much of a bitch.